Dave Johnston looked around the small group gathered in Hartigan’s back kitchen. It was not the usual Wednesday night crowd. ‘Right,’ he said ‘the robbery goes ahead on Friday morning’. The room was silent but he could see the doubt on their faces. ‘It is the old age pensions day so there will be plenty of cash in the Post Office. You alright with that?’ he asked, turning to Annie Redmond, the post mistress. ‘Have you told the pensioners themselves?’ she asked nervously. ‘Of course not,’ he replied ‘do you want the whole county to know?’ Just then, Paddy Hartigan arrived in with tea and sandwiches.
‘Who exactly is in the gang?’ asked Tony McDonagh after they had finished their meal. ‘Well, there will be me, of course,’ replied Dave Johnston ‘and Kieran here, and a guy that a friend of Kieran’s knows in the city. We are to call him Mister Blue, apparently. He will provide the balaclavas and iron bars’. The group exchanged anxious looks, ‘You told me there wouldn’t be any violence,’ said Annie Redmond. ‘There won’t be,’ said Dave Johnston. ‘Look,’ he continued ‘we know our police station is going to be closed. Not enough crime in the area. That’s what the politicians are telling us. Maybe, the robbery will change their minds. We all agreed it would be worth a try. Didn’t we?’ Everyone stared at the floor without replying. ‘Right, we will see you Friday morning,’ Dave nodded at Miss Redmond as he headed for the door.
There was a small queue of pensioners in the post office as the three masked robbers ran in the door. ‘Right, everyone on the floor,’ shouted Mister Blue ‘this is a hold up’. The elderly group looked at each other in shock before slowly started to descend to the floor. ‘Ooh,’ said Mrs. Durkin ‘my back is gone. Would it be alright if I sit on the chair?’ she asked. ‘Of course Mrs. D… err, madam,’ replied Dave Johnston, taking her gently by the elbow. Mr. Blue went to the counter and threw a bag at Annie Redmond. ‘Right, fill it up if you don’t want some dead bodies here,’ he shouted at the frightened post mistress. Dave Johnston went up to the counter ‘Look here, Mister Blue,’ he whispered ‘there is no need for that type of behaviour. This is just a pretend robbery, remember’.
The gangster from the city stared back at him blankly. At that very moment, Mrs. Durkin sprang into action. ‘OAP not RIP,’ she shouted as she leapt from the chair and kicked Dave Johnston between the legs. The reluctant robber crumbled to the floor, gasping for breath. Everything suddenly went quiet. ‘OK. Nobody move. What exactly is going on here?’ he heard a voice ask loudly. Looking up, he could see Sergeant Gallagher and two police officers at the door. Taking off his balaclava, Dave Johnston rose slowly to his feet. ‘It is alright, sergeant,’ he said ‘I can explain everything…’