It was never about high achievement or great accomplishment. He has neither the skills nor the ability to ever rise above mediocrity. He knows that. He does not lack self awareness. It is all about survival. If he gets into any conflict, physical or intellectual, he is going to lose. That is obvious. Other tactics are required. Every day he lies, cheats, bluffs, and bullies. These are his survival skills.
Primary school had proved a fertile territory to hone the skills. He soon noticed that certain children were considered superior to others. Children whose parents were friendly with the headmistress. An early lesson was learned. Keep close to the person with power. The school yard presented more challenges. It was not a place to make enemies. Superficial charm had to be acquired to mask the nastiness. Threats to him – those more popular and capable – had to be quickly identified and removed. Flatter the strongest; ridicule the weakest. Later, in secondary school, he was caught cogging the class swot’s homework by the biggest thug in the staff room. A brutal lesson was learnt. Don’t get caught.
He left the educational system without any qualifications. Finding a job as a professional bluffer proved much easier than he had expected. He found his niche in management, often doing jobs nobody else wanted. The rules were simple. Manage up, not down; keep the boss onside; take credit for success; blame others for failure; never put yourself in the firing line; never be the ‘bad news’ person; give yourself plenty of wiggle room; develop a neck like a jockey’s bollocks; develop a skin like the rhino in Dublin zoo. He survived. It wasn’t easy – or pleasant – at times, but he survived.
The first time he saw Cathy she was in a pub with a friend. Instantly, he knew she was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had to impress her. He pretended to be Spanish. ‘Hola gatos, niza para pescar usted,’ he ventured. ‘Its OK,’ she said ‘we know you are not Spanish’. He decided to try again, slightly more desperate. ‘Me gustaría una aceituna con usted’. Cathy was a lady who had over dosed on bullshit a long time ago. However, she saw enough to give him a chance. He had behaved himself during their courtship and, in fairness, they were still happy together after twenty years. Not knee trembling excitement happy – but contented happy. It helped that Cathy had laid the ground rules from day one. Keep the bullshit for the day job.
He finishes another meeting. ‘Any more questions?’ he asks. He knows they are angry; frustrated at the lack of progress due to his delaying tactics. He is not concerned. When things go pear shaped, he will not be blamed. He has already made sure of that. He knows what they call him behind his back. Messenger boy. Gofer. Lackey. He does not care. As long as they don’t say it to his face.